Will the next virus be Covid 20? But it's always important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. Just like an elevator, but with puppies. Luckily for you, there’s no need to look any further. Need help finding a dermatologist? I bet you could survive the a zombie apocalypse, because you’re such a bad-ass! You’re such a good friend that I’d be willing to give you money. If there’s one thing I like about you, it’s that I like more than just one thing about you. If you were a booger, I’d pick you first. Cheeky Kid is a cybernaut who spends a lot of time browsing the web, grasping infinite information, and reveling in entertainment and fun. If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word? Damn, you’re hot! If you knew how I much I think about you, I’d be embarrassed. It’s amazing that I feel totally comfortable crying like a baby around you. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page. You make me feel like I just got out of the bath. Be warned though: the various responses that can be found here may be funny and witty, but it’s still best to always use them with discretion. This may sound cheesy, but I’m only telling you the truth. You may unsubscribe at any time. If you know someone who’s retiring – whether it’s a friend or coworker – one of the best ways to send them off is with a joke. Most people make me want to murder them in their sleep, but not you. Your jokes make me laugh until I cry and my chest hurts. What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and you’re on an airplane? Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re an 11! Since basketball is named such why isn’t golf named golfball? Your vocal pipes are phenomenal. They are funny, they are witty—but their underlying meaning depends on your prudence. You might be the reason for global warming. If you haven’t done anything for your friends lately, then here’s an idea: Try complimenting them in the funniest and wittiest ways possible! The chance of meeting another person like you is the only reason I talk to strangers. So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. When will we change “give you a penny for your thoughts” to “give you a dollar for your thoughts?”. Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend.). With that cute look of yours, you’d probably be able to get away with murder. So, thank you, thank you, and thank you! Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know. You're not one of them because I know you'd always do well. Sorry for smiling so much. You’re definitely not one of the people I want to punch in the throat. Here, take these 1,000,000 bucks! I would delete your browser history for you if you suddenly died. If you accidentally die, I’ll immediately travel around the world to search for the seven dragon balls. We have here a collection of amusing compliments that you can tell your friends to make their day. You are not someone I pretend not to see in public. Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale. Funny Ways to Say "Good Morning" A marvelous morning to you, my friend. Keep it up, because they brighten everyone’s day. We are always looking for new and weird things to add to our list! I like you because you join in on my weirdness. Why is hopscotch named as such? I love the fact that you’re one of the few people who laughs at my jokes. You’re not lazy, I tell you. Alert, alert, the most wonderful human on earth is about to wake up! I feel bad for people who don’t get to enjoy your hilariousness. Ask a girl to say “Jyna I have a va” tent times fast? If a condominium is called a condo why isn’t an apartment called an aparto? If you did, you’d be smiling uncontrollably and just keep staring. Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? If you ever need to get rid of a body, I’ll be there for you. When a friend suggests going for coffee, say “Don’t you know there’s a war on?”, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, “He’s at it again!”, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, “Now let’s talk about why I’m bitter.”, At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, “That is for members only.”, When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, “Cats don’t roller skate.”, The next time someone thanks you for something, say, “I’m going to hell so you don’t have to.”, If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, “That was your final warning.”, When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, “He buttered his shoelaces upside down.”, In a grocery store, ask a stranger, “Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?”, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, “You wouldn’t do that if you knew who I was.”, If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, “I’m sorry.