For example, you can build up from asking easy questions (like the last movie they saw) to learning about the people who mean the most to them in life. You could even ask them directly what brings them the most happiness in life. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Talk about how life is in your country, and ask him what life is like in his. Stay positive and encouraging. Schedule day trips or vacations together. What if someone thinks I like something, but I don't? Like all of the sand on the shore. You can also choose to be emailed when someone replies to your comment. Bonus: Another study suggested that smiling when you first meet someone helps ensure they'll remember you later. Others don’t. When you do, though, try not to be overly serious about it. But scientists generally aren't satisfied with answers like that, and they've spent years trying to pinpoint the exact factors that draw one person to another. Most people have no trouble talking about the things they love and enjoy, so listening should be enough to teach you what makes someone happy. Stools with blood. This shows the person that you respect yourself—and your friendship. You usually have to offer some level of vulnerability before someone begins feeling comfortable around you. Follow Business Insider UK on Twitter. Once you feel that initial spark of interest, you want to know more about them ASAP. Continue to assert your opinions, which may stimulate more meaningful conversations. At the end of the experiment, the students who'd asked increasingly personal questions reported feeling much closer to each other than students who'd engaged in small talk. As minor as these exaggerations might seem, developing trust is an important step in getting to know a person. This phenomenon is called spontaneous trait transference. Relationships are an important part of any person’s life. If you want to get to know someone better, strike up a lighthearted conversation by asking the person casual questions, like “Do you have any pets?” or “What do you like to do after work?” As you talk to the person, pay attention to what they get excited about when they talk, and ask them more questions about that. Self-disclosure may be one of the best relationship-building techniques. We have known each other for 72 hours total of time together, "It helped me to be patient and respectful, and tell some deep feelings. If they tell you they don’t want to talk about something or seem to turn away when you bring up a certain topic, don’t push it. Of course, simply spending time with someone doesn’t mean you’ll form a long lasting friendship, but your chances for friendship tend to increase when you spend more time with someone. Having meaningful exchanges and conversations keeps your friendship fresh. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly trashing people behind their backs, your friends will start to associate the negative qualities with you as well. A 2018 study found it usually takes about a month for conversation patterns to settle into a comfortable rhythm. If you had a bad day, acknowledge it to your friend and then say something like, “But now we’re hanging out and I’m really happy to leave my bad day behind me.”. © 2005-2020 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. For example: “You like to cook? How did you do that?” If you’re texting or emailing the person, you could write, “Great talk today, Sara! Read the original article on Business Insider UK. Maintain eye contact with the person and use open body language to show your interest and that you’re friendly. If you both enjoy texting, go for it. If he says no, shrug it off and find someone else! And before you know it they want to do more with you and are chasing you. Keep it light to start and ask questions to which the person can respond. The existing Open Comments threads will continue to exist for those who do not subscribe to Independent Premium. When you share intimate information with another person, they are more likely to feel closer to you and want to confide in you in the future. It’s perfectly fine to introduce more sensitive topics in a general way, especially if you prefer to know how someone feels about certain subjects from the beginning. Keep in touch with them through phone calls, text messages and social media. That’s amazing. Some people have no trouble getting to know others. Do you feel safe? Again, questions do serve a purpose when you’re getting to know someone. There are 19 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Instead of asking random questions, let the conversation guide you, and look for cues from the other person. Writing on PsychologyToday.com, Jim Taylor of the University of San Francisco argues that emotional openness — or the lack thereof — can explain why two people do or don't click. You could say, “Can you believe how mean-spirited the race for president has become?”. Just remember that it’s acceptable if you want to have some “me” time during vacations, too. This can relax the mood, allowing you or the person to broach negative topics, which can further cue you into their personality. 15 psychological tricks to make people like you immediately, • This chart is easy to interpret: It says we're screwed, • How Uber became the world's most valuable startup, • These 4 things could trigger the next crisis in Europe, You may not agree with our views, or other users’, but please respond to them respectfully, Swearing, personal abuse, racism, sexism, homophobia and other discriminatory or inciteful language is not acceptable, Do not impersonate other users or reveal private information about third parties, We reserve the right to delete inappropriate posts and ban offending users without notification. Keep your interactions as positive as possible. Are you sure you want to delete this comment? Did you design it?” and practice keeping the conversation going. For example, say, “Did you just mention that you love Vietnamese food? 11. Just take care to maintain balance. For example, you could walk up to the person and say, “Hi Sara, I really enjoyed your presentation today, especially the graphics. Our journalists will try to respond by joining the threads when they can to create a true meeting of independent Premium. In the meantime, try not to be too put off by any moments of silence or awkwardness that might come up. Pull together your appearance without overdoing it. Expert Interview. If you keep talking to them, you’ll probably end up getting answers to even those questions you didn’t ask. Remember, you don’t have to ask everything that comes to mind. References. In one 1959 study published in Human Relations, for example, participants were told that certain members of a group discussion would probably like them. He asked male students from the University of Minnesota to listen to tape recordings of people taking a quiz. Consider using the person’s interests as a way to introduce yours. Maybe it's their goofy smile; maybe it's their razor-sharp wit; or maybe it's simply that they're easy to be around. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Gesture or seem otherwise animated as they answer? The most insightful comments on all subjects will be published daily in dedicated articles. You can start the conversation and ask questions to get him talking. You can then bring the conversation back to the other person with a related question, like, “Did you teach yourself to cook?”. It might seem harmless to fudge the truth a little in order to relate to someone. Ask questions about the person’s statements to show your interest in getting to know him or her. ", "Thanks to this, I'm able to make friends much easier.". One study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that this effect occurred even when people knew certain traits didn't describe the people who had talked about them. In one study, the researchers had participants sit in an fMRI machine and respond to questions about either their own opinions or someone else's. You can also see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy. The two overlap quite a bit, but you can talk to someone for a long time without actually getting to know them as a person. Below, we've rounded up some of their most intriguing findings. This can show you that the person is polite and considerate. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. Don’t feel like you have to rattle off the age-old “Seen any good movies lately?”. It’s just fine to keep things casual and lighthearted, if that’s the kind of friendship you’re looking for. But it’s important to make sure you’re asking questions you’re truly interested in. Remember to keep your invitation commensurate with how well you know the person. Learn to use Zoom in this beginner-friendly course. I have no fear, I have no shame. This can be off-putting, since it often seems insincere. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/30\/Get-to-Know-Someone-Better-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-Someone-Better-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/30\/Get-to-Know-Someone-Better-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid1385166-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-Someone-Better-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"

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